tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize