First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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