I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
