hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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