Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
