I'd wear matching sweaters with you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
