I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
