I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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