i think my tv is drunk
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
