We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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