he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
