my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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