after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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