I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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