I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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