I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
