he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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