i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm just crazy horny about you
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
