Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
