i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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