You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
