Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
