apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
