why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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