mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
accomplished twins. life is a go
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
