I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
