Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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