Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
