No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
