Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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