you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
