Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
