I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
