I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
