don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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