I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
