Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
