Are we in a gay sports bar?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
