after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
