i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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