the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
