My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
