then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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