Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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