They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
