I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
