Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Panties = found
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