did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
