Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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