I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
