remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
