How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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