Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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