Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
