i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want to make out with him forever
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