i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
