I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
