I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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