I am in a vortex of obligation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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