are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
