he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
soo... how was my night?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
