guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
