Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
