watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
