Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
