Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
